The Seer~Part Four

When I walked into the living room that evening, Daddy was sitting on the couch, hugging a sobbing Cindy. His eyes were glazed over and dead.

"Daddy," I said gently, coming slowly into the room.

Daddy blinked and he slowly dragged his eyes to look at me. "She's dead," he croaked.

I knew with a sudden and terrible dread he meant Laura.

"I-I'm sorry Daddy," I said chewing my lip.

My dad stiffened. "You're sorry," his voice was clipped. "Sorry doesn't bring her back." His voice was accusing and bitter.

I should have kept my temper. Daddy was understandably upset. He was upset and angry and wanted a target for his anger. But when he chose me as his target, I felt a swell of self justification rise up in me.

"Nothing is going to get her back," I said, my voice just as bitter, "even if I had told you she was going to die. How would that have made things any better?"

My father glared daggers at me. "I could have prepared myself. I thought for sure she was going to live. When the hospital called to tell us Laura had......I didn't believe them at first."

"Well, I'm sorry I was too selfish to be able to break your heart before," I said crossly. "I shouldn't have thought of myself or Laura but only of you."

My father rose from the couch. "You promised me something, and you broke that promise. Don't take that tone with me young lady."

"Did you ever think about how hard it is for me!" I cried. "I had to see Lara die, and a part of myself, and I was suppose to willingly do that to you? You may think I am indifferent to the death of others, but I'm not."

"It's hard to tell sometimes."

My face turned bright hot and my eyes fogged with tears and read anger. "Do you think I like being the way I am? I hate it! I would do anything to change myself. But do I ever get any support from you? No! You just want to use my ability for your own advantage!"

"That isn't true," my father yelled at me. "How many countless hours did I hold you while you cried. How many different things we've done, and that I've paid for to fix you."

"I'm not broken!" I screamed. "And if you really cared that much, you wouldn't have married that woman." I pointed a finger at Cindy.

"Don't you talk about my wife that way." he shook with rage. Despite this, I continued. "If you really cared about me you wouldn't have married someone who thinks I'm an abomination. Someone who fears me like the devil. Someone who crosses herself when I walk in the room. Someone who thinks I kill the people I see die....."

"Maybe you do," my father cut in, his face a dark mask.

His words froze me, stabbing a fresh wound in my heart.

My father turned away from me and went back to Cindy.

'Fine,' I though as I turned away myself. He had chosen Cindy over me. And I could not help but hope that one day he would wake up and wish he had chosen me.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I ignored Cindy's calling my name and stared at the screen of my laptop. I hadn't realized what a good deal my parents had been giving me. Renting was expensive. I was planning on moving out. I was doing nothing but causing myself and my parents unneeded angst.

I had given up. I no longer tired anymore. I sill went through life, but with an air of routine. I had completely stopped feeling, simply because I couldn't stand the pain anymore. I didn't wear gloves and I didn't care how many people I touched.

"Sarah, you come here right this minute!"

"Fine!" I yelled back. I hastily got out of my jeans and blouse, replacing them with a shapeless black dress. I ran a brush through my hair before meeting Cindy in the living room.

Our drive to the church was silent. Cindy attempted once or twice to start conversation, but I stared sulkily out the window.

"Where's Dad?" I asked as I got out of the car.

"He went to the church early," Cindy answered as we made our way to the sidewalk.

"Why?"

"To talk with Pastor Dan."

I froze. It occurred to me only then that Pastor Dan would be the one praying over Laura. With my recent episode with him, knowing he thought my sin had killed Laura, it made me sick to know he would even be there.

"Sarah," Cindy said shortly. "Come on, let's go."

"Don't make me," I pleaded. "Please don't make me."

"Sarah stop it. You're acting like a two year old."

"I don't want to go!" I yelled. "Everyone there will be looking at me as if I killed her."

Cindy sighed and shook her head. "I wish I could tell you they weren't but I would be lying. I'm sorry this is so hard for you but you need to come." She took me softly be the hand and gently pulled me across the street to the church.

I was in too much mental turmoil to do anything but let Cindy lead me. At first my mind couldn't comprehend the information. My mother, my brother, my sister, this was too much.

In a snap decision, I grabbed tightly to Cindy's arm. "Tell Daddy I'm sorry," I said.

Before Cindy had the chance to ask my why, I flung her away. She fell heavily to her knees, cursing violently. She craned her neck at me to scold me but then her face became a mask of horror. Romanticizing the moment, I imagined she knew that the speeding car headed right for me had been originally meant for her.

It was the first time any of my visions had ever been wrong. I do not believe my ability had changed, or that the rules were any different. I simply had finally found what it took to change them.