To NaNo, or not to NaNo

So the small amount of you who pop by my blog on a regular basis already know what NaNoWriMo is, and I have been contemplating doing it this year. I didn't last year, because the move started on the same day as NaNoWriMo, and I "didn't have the time." I dearly missed it last year, and almost wish I had done it. If I had known what I wanted to write and had something ready I probably would have. This year though when I had free time I cruised about the NaNoWriMo website and I've written a pretty detailed outline.

The only problem is that I have less time than I did last year. School, work, and sleep seem to take up all the time I have. And the days where I don't have school or work seem to be safe heavens that always will remain bitter sweet for it is impossible to fit all of the things I love doing into them without them being so busy they stress me out as much as days I have work and school. 

A part of me just wants to be really lazy, and do nothing the time I have off. Then again, I also want to do something that I enjoy with a passion. I know I am lucky and blessed to have my job and to have a chance to go to school, but I enjoy neither all that much, let alone with a passion. I think a part of me realizes the time when I had all the time is basically gone now, and life will always be busy. I need to write again, I really miss it, and it kills me to think it might be something I have to give up just because I am an adult now.

So I am going to try. It isn't like work, or school. If I don't win, or complete my goals, nothing bad is going to happen. The whole point to NaNoWriMo is to get to writing, and that's what I need. 

Soooooooo saying, I am mentally preparing myself not to stress too much about winning. I am going to try to do NaNoWriMo. I'm hoping I don't get to the second week in and say, "You know, forget this!" and throw my laptop against the wall and go live out the rest of my days as a wandering hippy with no education nor money. My studies will still come first, because you know, NaNo will only waste my time, if I don't study I will basically waste my money, and we all know I am too much of a miser for that. 

In a way I am excited for it. I will finally participate in the crazy business that NaNo is supposed to be. I always felt I cheated a bit since it was easy for me to not only get to the word count, but pass it long before the end of the month. There was no crazy dash to the end with tongue hanging out and frazzled nerves, having to fit in writing time in between eating lunch and going to work ten minutes later. I will actually have to try to win, try hard. 

I part of me is excited this year, another part is dreading it.