The Truth About Adulthood

The past few years I have been hit with the adulthood stick. Not quite beaten with it yet. I may be going to college and working two part time jobs, but I am still living in my parents home, so I have as yet to face quite a bit of adulthood.

Nevertheless, I have felt the terrible lash of the growing up. At many times I wish for nothing more than to crawl back into the cocoon of childhood, but we all know that that is quite impossible.But alas, there is no going back. Rather I must face the dawning days of responsibility and living for other people. True, in some respects I have more freedom, and as with anything the cost of freedom is having to make your own choices. The TV shows may make it seem like a bunch of fun with friends while you spend money but it really is a lot of working, and school, and having to suck it up when you want to cry and/or punch people in the face. You have the freedom to spend all your money on shopping and ice cream, but you should spend it on bills. That is the freedom of adulthood. 

Of course as a kid all that freedom seems grand and all, but memory plays a wicked trick on us and Photoshops our picture of childhood until we only see our carefree shoulders and lack of cynicism.

So in an attempt to appreciate childhood better by clinging to it with bloody fingertips, I have assorted a few tips. These tips don't actually prevent you from growing up, but they will give you the illusion you are postponing it.

1: Go to college. Now I know this sounds like a weird one, as earlier I was lamenting my college responsibilities. Don't go to college like I'm going. Take whatever classes you want, put in the minimal effort, and spend your free time doing whatever. You still have some responsibilities, but you will never have more freedom than this.

2:  Don't get a job. Job's are a necessary evil, but I know many people who seem to exist without jobs.

3: Take out as many credit cards and loans you can. Spend what you don't have, and don't think about paying it back.

4: Suck off of mom and dad. Guilty has charged. I'm actually doing this one.

5: Spend time with only people you like. Hey, part of being an adult is learning how to deal with people. There aren't going to be any authority figures to take the fought over toy and say no one gets it. You actually have to compromise when dealing with a person who is being sooooo unreasonable and obviously they're wrong and you're right, so if anyone like that ever comes along leave them in the dust. No one is going to sort out relationship problems for you anymore, so unless you would like to sort them out yourself, which is a sign of adulthood, just avoid it.

6: Get drunk. Drunks kind of act like kids, if they're not mean drunks.

7: You can date, but don't get engaged. Get engaged, and then you have to be serious about families and junk.

So those are my tips for clutching at youth. Of course, just because you have responsibilities doesn't mean you have to become boring and worn down by life. Being a mature adult doesn't mean you have to leave everything that makes childhood great. Here are some tips for being young at heart, even if you admit defeat and realize someone is going to have to pay the bills.

1: Enjoy children's movies un-ironically. Sit down, watch them, and enjoy them. Same goes for books.

2: Laugh a lot.

3: Still try to use your imagination.

4: Do silly things while cold sober. Remember how fun it was to do ridiculous things when you were a kid? You'll feel self-conscience at first, but being silly while sober can be just as fun (if not more) as being drunk.

5: Don't try to mimic the trends set by kids today. (Kids in this tip being anyone significantly younger than you.) Trends belong in the glorified past, and trying to follow new ones will only make your age more apparent. I know I'm one to talk, being the ripe old age of 20, but even I would feel old by keeping up with ever trend those younger than me are coming up with.

6: Try new things.

7: And if all else fails, you can always get a heart transplant.