Decisions

So November is here, which has meant NaNoWriMo to me for the past several years. Except, this year...yeah, I won't be doing it. I came to this decision on Sunday the 2ed. I know what you're thinking. "You gave up so soon?" "Only the second day and you decided it wasn't worth your time?" And any other questions you may have asked. Trust me, I wondered them too. But it wasn't on the 2ed that I first considered it. It wasn't like, on the 2ed, after a long time of wanting to do it, I changed my mind. I kept going back and forth and it was on the 2ed, as I was staring at the few thousand words I already had, that I realized this wasn't right for this year.

There are many reasons I decided this. The first being I just don't feel it this year. Again I know what you're thinking, "But you are supposed to write through those moments, otherwise you would rarely write!" That is exactly what I thought, which was why I was unsure until the second day of NaNoWriMo. It isn't just a case of "writer's block." Sometimes writing is hard work, but  I was experiencing that either. This was a complete disinterest from what I was doing. I have written a novel feeling this way before, and when all was said and done it wasn't worth it. I look back on that novel as a lesson and a mistake to not repeat. I love to write, and so I see no need to force it when I am not feeling it.

Second reason I am a quitter is because of time. Yep, time. Such an iconic excuse. But well, maybe November-when school is getting pretty intense, I am working over twice as much because of the holidays, and all the other business that comes with this time of year-is not the best time for me to try to write a novel. I know the whole point of the exercise is to make time, but I am not sure if I am but I feel busier this year, (maybe I am just lazier, I don't know) and I would like some time to just pause every once in a while and rest. The book is longer and more complex than the one last year, and I am  not sure I could keep up the pace, and I hate slowing down in the middle of a book. If I do, I have a hard time getting back into it. I am one of those people that get stressed with a super busy life, even if it is super busy with fun things.

The last, and probably the most important reason, the reason that made the other two relevant. I want to concentrate on editing my other books. Right now I want to work on my older novels to make the better for eventual publishing. This is something I am actually pretty excited about, and I am doing tons of research on self-publishing and the more traditional route. Usually I hate to edit, but right now I am actually enjoying the process of thinking how I can make my books better.  I would have to put my editing on hold while I wrote my novel. I feared that if a did that, I would have lost this editing momentum.

The other two reasons I could put aside, but the last one is what really demanded my attention, and it is definitely what tipped the scales for me. I think seeing Cycle actually availed for sale excited me, and I would like to see the others up there too, (even if no one ever bought them.) It made my hopes of someday being a recognized author more tangible to me.